Radical acceptance

Radical acceptance is a very powerful tool. Basically, radical acceptance suggests accepting what really is in our lives as it is. The skill is so powerful that without accepting reality as is; we can not begin to change. 

Acceptance doesn't imply forgiving truly horrific actions of others or never being angry or unhappy or loving an abuser-- but actually suggests understanding and truly feeling your emotions, coming to terms with reality (changing what can be changed) and moving on with our lives. For example, you may not be able to change an alcoholic parent or having been abused in your past or having a horrible boss that you hate- there are many things in our lives that are not possible to change.. So you work on acceptance.

Acceptance is the opposite of fighting against reality or making "should/shouldn't" statements ("my father shouldn't be like this", "my life should be like this"). And you can not have acceptance without being aware of your reality including thoughts and feelings which are coming up. You can not have acceptance with avoidance. 

It's in our nature to want to intellectualize things but I feel with this skill, it comes from a more feeling place. In other words, you need to feel what radical acceptance is to understand it's meaning. For example, you can curse the rain and scream at the clouds for causing rain and make lots of "why me" statements or stay in your house and avoid rain or you can accept that it's raining and use an umbrella and hope for a sunny day tomorrow. Another example is being stuck in traffic and basically fighting against the reality that traffic happens; beeping your horn, flashing your middle finger at drivers and swearing loudly or accept that it is frustrating being stuck in traffic and no matter how much you fight it in your mind, traffic will still be there so you may as well listen to music and sing or call Someone and make the most of it. 

Stuff happens in our lives whether we are fighting it or not and the fight just ruins the moment and our mood and relationships and causes lots of heartbreak. It's like rowing against the current and finally letting go and going with the current. 

Another example is being stuck in quicksand: the more you panic and try to swim out, the quicker you drawn. The only way to not drawn in quicksand is to lay flat on your back, perfectly still. Likewise, the only way to accept reality is to acknowledge it, feel it, understand it, and remain in the moment with it. Acceptance.