I have encountered many clients that truly suffer because they just don't know when they will have certain things that they desire in life (love, money, house, job, etc etc)
I feel it's part of the human condition and entirely unavoidable to experience uncertainty; there are the more "man-made" happenings such as a scheduled appointment, the first day of a job or school or wedding day that we may know with some certainty is coming on that day.... Most things, however, aren't in our control, so we live with not knowing whether we will get there or experience that or buy that, etc.
And in the meantime; while we wait; we encounter the choice whether to accept that this is where we stand or attribute lots of negative emotions followed by "should statements" ("I should get that raise", "I should be in a relationship", "I should own a house", etc) and just feel miserable.
Of course, radical acceptance teaches us to accept our current situation and know that "all is as it should be", but many, many, many are very unhappy because of the waiting and the uncertainty of whether what they want will happen and fighting against reality.
So, what is in our control?
If you want a relationship, you can certainly date; blind dates, dating sites, going out, letting everyone know you are open to dating, etc. When you meet someone you like, you can work on assertive communication, fighting fair/not letting arguments escalate, being a pleasant person, respecting their feelings, making them happy, romance, etc etc. What I mentioned are things within our control but if with all that you still can't meet someone you like or a relationship ends; that is out of your control and where acceptance comes in; whether you leave burning fecal matter on your exes porch (and get arrested!) or gain twenty pounds from ice cream handling the break up or sware off dating because you can't meet someone; the fact is what it is and you can't change that (not to mention the consequences of your behaviors if you "act out" which will worsen how you feel!) so, you become mindful of your sadness, loneliness and accept those feelings as part of your life and than work on improvement (utilizing skills learned in therapy!!).
Another example is finding the job you love: you have the power to finish school in a chosen area, work on resume, send out resume, network, etc but when and if you land that job is beyond your knowing; you can't control the economy and job market!
When overwhelmed with frustration, You can choose to pull your hair out, give up all together, lay in bed for days but it won't change the outcome but in fact, will negatively impact valuable problem solving ability thus prolonging and worsening the situation. OR! You can be mindful of your feelings of frustration and move on (using skills acquired in therapy,
Of course!)
It's all the "should statements" that we invent for ourselves when they really are self created, that make things worst!! The outcome may be the same regardless of whether we go screaming in frustration or find joy in day to day life ..so isn't taking the path of least resistance (the later) so much more pleasant?? Isn't joy and fun so much better than depression and anger?
How do you start cultivating inner balance? Acceptance! Accept that life is as it is and than take measures to change your situation. There is no real change without acceptance.
To quote Dr. Marsha Linehan (creator of dialectic behavioral therapy and brilliant psychologist): "acceptance is the only way out of hell".
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