All about perspective

For many, happiness (or a state of happiness) is a desirable goal. We seek out and build relationships, purchase glittery, extravagant jewelry, go on vacation, eat out at restaurants, shopping therapy, food therapy, movie therapy, (hopefiully, eventually psychotherapy!)... all with the ultimate hope that we may just find our happiness in the stuff or the place or the people.

External items create a sense of instant reward which feels gratifying in the moment, however, fleeting. In some ways (for some people), making something or someone else responsible for our happiness generates blame when rewards are scarce or non existent. After all, it's "easier" to finger-point at someone/something  than taking ownership of our lives. An excuse for a dysfunctional relationships may be the OTHER persons anger issues or being broke because of our irresponsible government, sick because of horrible healthcare (although illness can be out of our control), overweight because it's winter--- does any of this ring a bell??

So, where are the origins of happiness? What is the secret to complete state of joy and appreciation for our lives? How do we make all our problems go away?

Let me answer the last question first: our problems will NEVER all go away.

Let's divide our population into two categories A. Happy people B. Not happy people. The difference between group A and group B isn't that group A has no problems in life; Group A has realized that happiness is a mindset. Certainly, certain concerns are more severe and sitautional grief, depression, stress is a normal human reaction. Even in circumstances which are beyond our control such as loss of a loved one or illness, perspective (and acceptance!) is key. We can hate and feel anger at our chronic pain or we can incorporate mindfulness based approaches and work with a pain specialist. We can curse the universe for taking our loved one and ask "why me?" OR establish and utilize skills to endure grief. Even though emotions can be warranted; emotions can still prevent us from moving forward. Asking "why me?" will not bring the person back. Blame, excuses, dysfunctional, unrealistic perspective is what MAKES misery.

In other words, happiness is found internally not externally.

Cognitive behavioral therapy examines our thought pattern and its influence on emotions and behavior. Dysfunctional thoughts influence maladaptive behavior which influences how we feel. An example: if an individual believes "I am worthless and unloved" than even the most unconditional of relational love will never seem enough. If the underlining belief is "I will fail at everything I try" than any measurable success or achievement will be minimal and internally scrutinized. It's all about perspective. By replacing dysfunctional or unrealistic thoughts with something else (with the help of a skilled CBT Therapist!) , our mood will improve.

Our "self talk" (internal dialogue) is what determines how we experience life. The good news is Cognitive behavioral therapy can help reexamine what thoughts just aren't working for you and help change them! Imagine that!

 In my own practice, I have found how successful CBT really, and truly is! After all, we all deserve a life worth living!